To Drive Or Not To Drive

September 9, 2010

Tomorrow is the big day!

The culmination of months of disagreements, harsh words, tears and enough fear to go around.

We have all made plans and cancelled them. We have threatened and not followed thru. We have made promises; some kept, some not.

Independence is at stake…a life to call her own…a trip to the store for ice cream any time she feels like it.  A drive, just a simple drive to see what’s beyond her walking capabilities.

Will the driving instructor take pity on her because she is OLD? Her question, not mine. What if she has to parallel park, drive the highway, or back up in a crowded parking lot?

What if she gets too nervous and has an accident, with the car or with her bowels. There is risk involved here and an outcome that will shape the remaining years of her life.

If she doesn’t pass the test, she will take it 3 more allotted times. If she fails on all fronts she will move into assisted care…in her mind a fate worse than death…but one that will be necessary if she doesn’t have her own wheels. She’s decided.

I’ve told her we can work things out, schedules, cabs, deliveries…but NO, she says that she will move if it comes to that.

This all breaks my heart, and I wish I could take the test for her…like my kids SAT’s, or final exams that made them want to throw up. I really don’t care that she should or shouldn’t be on the road…I just care that she feels like this is a life or death (so to speak) test of skills.

I used to always have something special for my kids after a grueling test…homemade cookies, a pair of bright-colored socks, and new head band…just something so they knew that I was thinking of them while they were facing a challenge and doing their best.

I bought her pretty underwear today and will show up with them tomorrow when I pick her up to take her for her driving test.  I thought the pretty underwear would give her a measure of confidence …pretty underwear can do that, lift your spirits. It’s just hard to find granny panties that fit the bill.

 I will wait patiently for her to return; victorious, or devastated. Regardless of the outcome, we will go to lunch afterwards and talk about it and then talk about it some more. One way or the other we are movin’ on down the road with her in the driver’s seat.

Wish us luck!

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4 Responses to “To Drive Or Not To Drive”


  1. I can’t believe all these intense thoughts and feelings were inside you just minutes ago while we talked…baby…they’re out there now…and beautifully painted and shared…

    I wish you both luck…you make me want to go skin my knee so I can come home to you for cookies and love…xoxox

  2. anna powell Says:

    I’m keeping my fingers crossed for You. Yet I don’t know which WAY to cross them – this is so hard on both of you. Sending you both LOVE….
    ox ox ox

  3. Molly Says:

    Honey, what a testimony to love, devotion and grace. I am beyond proud to be your devoted and BFF. My love, thoughts, prayers and chants are traveling down or up the holy highway with, for and surrounding you and your beloved mom.

  4. sandy Says:

    Your Mom reminds me how powerfull the story we tell ourself is in creating our reality. Thank you and Mom for reminding me and good luck tomorrow. I hope the sun shines on you both.


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