as good as it gets.

October 16, 2010

I am feeling  a lot of pressure  these days.  I am  diligently stomping on my writers block while I watch the clock tick and the days drop off the calendar. Deadlines for me are not what they are for many. Many, love love love the pressure. Their best work comes from the moment of either jumping  off a cliff or writing  the final chapter….Me, well I just freeze…can’t jump…can’t finish the final chapter. Just stand on one foot then the other until I am so tired I just have to lie down.

Writers know how difficult it is to be stuck. “Worthless, ridiculous, career over, fake, fraud” are words that play on a continual loop thru our brains. You get up and drink water(or wine depending on how stuck or what time of the day it is). brush your teeth, wash your face, take a walk, do the dishes, search the want ads for jobs you might qualify for…anything that provides breathing room and the possibility of  STUCK being  nudged just a smidge. But even during the distracting  maneuvers…still the loop is looping.

 Okay, sit with me now and see the incredible things around me…a roaring fire in the fireplace, blue skies, birds at the feeder, the Sunset Maples in all their finery, my husband  humming in the other room. If I can grab hold of that damn loop for just a second, and  realize that the stuck I  am experiencing is in fact the very stuff that fuels my writing fire. I need air, and light, space and a bit  magic in order  to  create.

So as  I sit here in my softest flannel p.j.s I am trying my damnedest  to embrace this stuck period. If I took writing out of the equation, this moment is perfect. I have all I need and more than I want. Try that on for size.  So the stuck I am this morning is truly AS GOOD AS IT GETS….I don’t have to jump off a bridge, just sit here, be still and take a leap of faith.

5 Responses to “as good as it gets.”

  1. Beautiful Kristine. I’ve been there with you sooo many times.
    We have all we need, simply write and see what happens. And remember what Anne Lamott says- just write a shitty first draft. That’s all you have to do. The refining comes later.

    I know it will be great, because it comes from YOU.

  2. melody george Says:

    I think its ok….I really do…because your “stuck” still a good read..still something we can all relate to in life..whether its writing that blog..or organizing the spice cabinet..we all get locked ..stuck…or otherwise disoriented..Its so nice to know we are in such wonderful, creative, lovable, company as yourself….

  3. Cathlene Says:

    I am a computer programmer and create workable art. It is 2:30amPacific on a cool SoCal Sunday morning.

    I have a big project due on 10/20 of which I am one small person with a big piece of the puzzle.

    I am stuck. The deadline is drop-dead, which is what I want to do. My best work comes from my Zen place. A tough place to get at when under pressure.

    I am so grateful to receive your blog push at this very moment. I wish for you the place in your mind to find the quiet to get unstuck.

  4. So relate to this, Kristine! My two saves on these kinds of days: 1) as you do, I try to embrace the “stuckness” because deep down I know it’s serving some creative purpose, and 2) I just write for the sake of it, with no expectations of what needs to come out. Often I find some gems on the page…

  5. Molly Says:

    As always, I am beyond honored to walk the path with you. You – your words – your life – inspire all within your reach.

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