GONE ARE THE DAYS OF EXCITED MISERY
February 13, 2011
WHAT WOMEN WANT
…oh god! Wasn’t that the title of Mel Gibson’s movie? Okay, forget Mel…his ex-wife and battered girlfriend are trying to.
What women want. True women. Not girls. We used to be girls and back then our wants were different. Take Mel for example. How many of us wanted Mel? Sat in the theater and listened to that accent accompanied by that rugged charm and imagined ourselves doing the nasty with Mr. Gibson? We were girls. Bad boys had a certain appeal; guys who made us wonder if they would stay the entire night, call again or spend time in prison.
Girls want excitement, thrill, game and uncertainty. Girls wait for the brief attention of a BAD BOY, while letting the GOOD BOY hopelessly dangle. In our household we call this phenomenon EXCITED MISERY.
I admit I had my share. My choices though were more specific. I mooned over the BAD (stupid) BOYS. Bad Stupid Boys are a separate sub-category. These guys are bad; and selfish, often addicted to something. They don’t call cause they can’t remember your name let alone your number and they are definitely serving time.
Now, we women, those of us who have grown up and moved on, want something different. Can we say HELL NO to Mr. Gibson and any of his bad boy brothers? Yes We Can!
I have been blogging for two years. My husband recently submitted his first and only comment on one of my last blogs. The blog itself was decent, but it was his comment that drew the most attention. He is a man of few words…and even fewer words of bubbling, enthusiastic adoration. This has been a slight issue for us…forever. I am a gusher. He is a quiet, deep in the ground, private rumbler.
So when he publicly gushed, I was shocked. The comments from all of you shocked me as well. Then I realized that this is what women want. We long for the occasional explosion of public adoration; seeing or hearing words of praise, appreciation and love declared with total abandon for all the world to see. We don’t want stuff. We don’t want Excited Misery. We want to know we matter to those who matter most to us.
Tomorrow is Valentines Day…a day laden with STUFF. My suggestion? Let those who matter most to you know that what you need, what you want is a genuine expression of how you matter to them. Feel Free To Have Them POST IT RIGHT HERE, FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE.
I got my best Valentine a couple of days early: 
February 11, 2011 at 8:49 pm e
my partner and brilliant wife…
every time I read one of your posts I am so impressed. I crawl into bed with you every night knowing that I am one lucky man. I hope I will never take that for granted. But, your insight into the world of “feelings” always leaves me speechless…sorry about that. You deserve to know that you make a difference in the world, none more than mine. I am grateful that I get to go thru life with you, side by side.
Matters That Matter ® 
February 13, 2011 at 5:46 pm
WOW to it all. You are truly blessed with love and a great husband as well. Indeed lucky too.
February 13, 2011 at 6:05 pm
This post really touched my heart. My life’s partner is also a man of very few words, but he is incredibly supportive and caring. We are lucky women. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours, Kristine.
February 13, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Youre spot on…I think we do love a little mushiness sent our way…but I think for me..it means more when the “someone” is a man of few words…I think thats when you know..”Hey..he means it…this is coming from the heart!!”
I adore that your wonderful man showed you just how much you mean to him..and yes…in a public forum..all the better!
I used to say, ” I want a man who will shout it from the roof top that he loves me!” Well…I think your man did just that…shouted it for the whole community to know…
Happy Valentines Day Kristine…I truly think you got the best Valentine in the whole world…and you deserve it!!!
February 13, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Still waters run deep – and deep waters are clear, life giving and exhilarating to our hearts and souls. I am grateful to your sweet husband for speaking up and showing his love, devotion and adoration for you. You are deserving of every word and expression of love sent your way. And, I know that in expressing his innermost thoughts to you, and to THE WORLD… HOLY SHIT… his own wellspring of love that he has to offer got deeper, richer and more abundant. I pray that all those we love and care for see this magnificent and humble proclamation of love as what they look for and expect in their relationships. Thank you David. Thank you Kristine.
February 13, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I lost a “best friend” recently. This was a guy who loved his wife deeply and who is greatly missed by her, his kids, and a bunch of the rest of us old friends. He has been talking to me, as he often does. He would have me say to his wife, as he would if he could, that he is sustained by his memories. The most precious of those being memories of their love and respect for one another, memories of the underlying foundation of his life that was symbolized by the ‘yes’ that always came after the question, ‘BE MINE?’.
Kristine,
“BE MINE?”
February 13, 2011 at 9:41 pm
How can I begin to express the love and gratitude of coming into this human experience, on this beautiful and awe- inspiring planet, surrounded by amazing, talented people who love and are loved.
My wish for this valentines day is that we all send love out into the ethers where it will touch anything and everything.Send that love with the excitement of falling in love for the first time, and perhaps we can shift the fear and seperation into interconnectedness!
February 14, 2011 at 12:08 am
You know Kris, I’d love to sweep up Anna in a busy crosswalk in Ashland (where pedestrians get to terrorize motorists) bend here down and give a long wet one while traffic waits, then scream GOD I LOVE THIS WOMAN, but my fear is that my back would go out and I would actually be screaming for transport to Providence. Now don’t get this wrong. Anna is in great shape. It’s just that my back is almost 58 years old, and “it don’t work so good no more.”
So my challenge is to hit upon something less stressful from an engineering standpoint, but equally demonstrative.
Meanwhile, there will be the roses …
Bill
February 14, 2011 at 6:11 am
Kristine, thank you for sharing your deep heart wisdom. We males do need to be reminded from time to time when the relationships with the women we love seem to be going along pretty well, that then is not the time for our linear sequential brains to go “check” and then move on to the next item on our mental to-do list. I know I did that a lot in my previous marriage. Even strong love is tender and needs to be nurtured and tended. I am so incredibly lucky, blessed, and proud to be married to your BFF. The strength, intimacy, and trust of the friendship that you two share contribute in no small part to the richness and depth of the relationship that Molly and I share. Together, we are all on the journey of learning how to be real, authentic, and vulnerable with each other. Kristine, thank you for your wisdom and friendship. David, thank you for the strength of your love for your beautiful wife. And Molly, my love, thank you for the incredible gift of your love for me and for wanting to journey through life by my side. You are beautiful in so many ways. I adore you. Happy Valentine’s Day.
February 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm
I am beyond blessed as I read each and every word above…words from the hearts of some of my most cherished people. Thank you again Kristine for shedding light on the path. David, thank you for speaking up and strengthening us all a little more with your resolve to love, show up, do the work and a willingness to learn. And Tom, thank you for showing up and changing my life in ways that I never dreamed possible. Thank you for helping me to believe that I might just be beautiful, and that I might just be “enough”.
February 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm
its exciting to me that after 5 years we fell this way about each other and are working to make sure we both know it. even more exciting to me is that fact that there are people with many more years, hard times, good times, and above all hard work, and that this love is even deeper, even more tangible expression. Love you auntie grandmas.
February 17, 2011 at 4:29 am
This is a few days late but I wanted to pipe in nonetheless so here goes…. Mel Gibson is an idiot. Period. No intelligent woman wants that for the long haul. As for me, I tell my wife Hollye how I feel about her every single day. How beautiful she is, how beautiful she sings, paints and writes, how she inspires me, what a beautiful friend she is to others, and how awesome it is that she has made such a positive difference in the world. One area where I have fallen short on occasion is when I have not been forthcoming with issues that are eating at me. In other words, stereotypically silent with “bad news”. When I have the courage to be vulnerable yet calm, and express my fears with the intention of wanting better, to do better, to be better etc. it is like each of our hearts doubles in size and weight is lifted for both of us. For what it is worth, this is certainly one quality that my woman wants (no condescending possessiveness intended – just playing with words here) WAY more than chocolate and roses …..Wonderful blog Kristine. Thank you!
February 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm
He’s a keeper and how blessed he is to have you. You do say “feelings” so well. love, jean