Matters That Matter: Be Someone’s Reason to Give Thanks
November 28, 2010
“It is, indeed, the season for us to give thanks for all that we have. And, for many of us, in this part of the world, we have more to be thankful for than most. The giving of thanks is an incredible practice — one that we will hopefully continue to fine tune for the rest of our days.
But what about giving the giving of thanks a slightly different twist?
Read More At: http://stylesubstancesoul.com/2010/11/matters-that-matter-be-someones-reason-to-give-thanks/
written by Molly Davis for StyleSubstanceSoul
The Morning After
November 27, 2010
No, there was no close call, come on…menopause and vasectomy, really?
However…the turkey soup is in full production; the sweet potatoes, creamed onions and even a little stuffing folded into gallons of soup; enough soup to share with the neighborhood…oh, damn that’s right, most of them have soup too.
It seems that there is really no end to the abundance. Even in the aftermath of blessing and gratitude and celebration.. there is more abundance.
I think we would all agree that 2010 came on the heels of the rude awakening challenges of 2009. It has been a really difficult couple of years for our families, our neighbors, our country and our world. Not unlike you, I have watched too many suffer from jobs lost, dreams forever altered, fear encountered and a sense of hopelessness that has been deafening. And yet, on a day of grace, we gather with those most cherished and consider all that we are thankful for.
This year I looked at each person at my table, as the peas were being passed, and the conversations light and loving and full of memories and history shared…and realized that in-spite of the challenges, in-spite of the pain and hopelessness, in-spite of heart ache, we were gathered together around abundance. The food of course, too much, too good, too much. But abundance nonetheless.
I realized that each person at my table has in his or her lifetime been faced with unbelievable and often unbearable pain…even the young people. That life has been too hard at times. That each of them has at one time or another faced something that made them buckle and question if they could get up and go on. When it came time for me to offer up what I was thankful for, I looked each one of them in their candle lit eyes and thanked them for doing the work…the hard, unfathomable work it took to end up there in that moment, celebrating what matters most. Their presence was a reminder that even in the darkest of times, the sun will surely come up tomorrow and we will be thankful that we were there to see it rise.
To all of you who have shown light on my path; showed up with good wishes and words of encouragement and love and adoration and hope and laughter and promise and truth and love and direction and support and generosity and courage…I thank you and count you among my abundant blessings, each and every day….even those days where there is no soup.
CHOICES by Molly Davis
November 12, 2010
Choices
By the incomparable Ms. Molly Davis, written for Style Substance Soul.
To Choose: to select from a number of possibilities.
Reflecting on the theme of Choices… I have been struggling to write something catchy and thought provoking.
If you are curious to read what I came up with go to….
http://stylesubstancesoul.com/2010/11/matters-that-matter-the-choice-is-mine/
The Best Reason to be Rich and Famous
November 8, 2010
If you don’t know this blog, you should. Peggy is brilliant and thoughtful and often hits the nail so squarely on the head that it explodes…the following is one of those.
The best reason to be rich and famous.
Ever had dreams of being rich and famous? I admit it. I have.
Way back in yesteryear, when I was a kid, there used to be a show on TV called The Millionaire. In it, you saw, only the luxuriously clad arm of “an anonymous benefactor”, sitting in his velvet wing back chair. We knew his name was John Beresford Tipton but we never, ever saw his face. He had so much money that he decided to find deserving people to give it to through his loyal employee, Michael Anthony. Michael Anthony’s job was to find the right people and then make sure they received the money, transforming their lives forever. I never missed an episode. In my feet-pajamas, drinking a warm, Bosco-laden milk, I dreamed of one day being rich and famous enough that I could be the female version of Mr. Tipton.
I have had my moments, although on a much smaller scale.
A few years ago, a friend, who was radically changing his career from rocket scientist to professional photographer was lamenting the fact that he had spent all his money on cameras and a studio to live and work in. He had run out money for producing the great business cards and brochures that had been designed for him. So, while he was taking a phone call, I slipped the artwork into my bag. At the printer, I instructed them to deliver the business cards and brochures to my friend anonymously. What a thrill. I was living out my fantasy of being an anonymous benefactor!
One day, he called to tell me about the ” miracle that had happened”. When he stepped out the door the week before, there were boxes full of his cards and brochures—just sitting there. He had shared his predicament with a number of people, so he had no idea the source of his good fortune.
AND, as it turned out, this was the same day he had been invited to an event showcasing up and coming photographers in the area. He was planning to skip the event, altogether, because he was ashamed that he had nothing to hand out to anyone. But, lo and behold! About face. Not only did he go, but he landed his largest, ongoing corporate contract—enough to pay all his overhead for a year!
For me, that’s always been my primary reason to work so hard and do well—to have those moments when I can just make it happen for someone else, especially at a time when it is needed most. Success that’s shared is the best success of all.
So, fast forward to a real star. One we all know. One who is using his fame and fortune without a shred of fanfare…….Denzel Washington.
Recently, while visiting the wounded soldiers, transferred from Germany to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas, he was taken to one of the Fisher Houses on base. That’s where soldiers’ families can stay for little or no charge while our young heroes are healing, mostly from catastrophic burns and loss of limbs.The houses stay booked at maximum capacity, with a perpetual wait list.
After seeing how much both the patients/soldiers and their families benefited from being together during the long recovery process, Washington asked how much it would cost to build another one. Upon hearing the amount, he simply wrote a check, right on the spot, for the full amount.
He demonstrated the best reason to be rich and famous
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
November 2, 2010
Women and wine. What is it with us and the fruit of the vine? Everywhere I go women seem to have a relationship, of one kind or another with wine. Not just a relationship with alcohol, but rather, specifically, with wine. I would like to understand more about that. While I can’t speak for others, I can take a good, long look at myself.
It has taken me awhile to unravel my own long and complicated love affair with wine. I think it began before I ever even took my first sip.
When I was growing up, my parents would always enjoy a cocktail (or two) before dinner. My dad would shake up a couple of martinis, and then sit in the kitchen as my mom prepared dinner. I was usually in there with them. I loved that time of the day, gathered in the kitchen together, surrounded by the comforting smells of dinner cooking. Over those cocktails, they would catch up on the day, talk about the kids, discuss finances, and… Often… they would argue. Sometimes it was just a small skirmish, the kind that blows over quickly with little collateral damage. Other times, it grew into a major battle. My mom usually lost. Unable to speak up for herself, she would usually dissolve into tears, my dad would feel bad, and they would smooth everything over as best they could. Not actually deal with it mind you…just get past it. More often than not, I helped out with the smoothing.
Somewhere along the way, my parents switched from cocktails before dinner to a glass of wine. For whatever reason, the arguing all but stopped. And my love affair with wine began.
Wine became a part of my evening… every evening for as long as I can remember. I would pour a glass as I began cooking dinner. The kitchen for me, as for my family growing up was the hub. My daughters and I would gather in the kitchen as dinner came together, the girls doing homework or cooking alongside me. It was a way of coping with a bad marriage, relaxing after a stressful day at work, and even in the midst of a miraculous second marriage, it seemed to help me….what? I guess I thought it helped me to cope, cover up, avoid, pretend, and relax. I could feel the effect of the wine before the first swallow. Opening the bottle, getting out the glass, the act of pouring the wine; the ritual itself cast the spell. Un-cork the bottle, and let the magic begin.
But we all know that magic is based on illusion and not reality.
Over the years I have slowed down, consumed less, and even stopped. Over those same years and attempts, my habit always came back to more or less the same level. That level? One glass almost always turned into two. Two often became three, and, on more than one occasion, the whole bottle was mine. Looking back now, I can see what I have lost to that “habit”. I am fond of saying that I love the “ritual”, the “celebration”. Funny how easy it is to call something by a name that is easier to swallow, that goes down with a “rich, deep flavor with notes of chocolate” rather than a “sharp, acidic taste with lingering headache”. I know that I lost quite a bit. Memories that slipped into groggy slumber and were difficult to recall. Times when I might have stayed awake for the whole movie with my daughters or one more chapter of a bedtime book. Wine has sapped my creative energy when I might have gotten another chapter of the next book nailed down. Rather than make love to my sweet husband, I slept the sleep of the slightly intoxicated. And, I have lost the opportunity to model a different way to my girls when they were growing up.
But all is not lost. I have also gained some great gifts. I have come to understand that there is nothing to hide from, cope with, avoid or cover up. I no longer care to pretend to … anything. I want the real meal deal or nothing at all. If I am sad, or lonely or afraid, those emotions are there for a reason and they are some of my best teachers. They are only a problem if I tell myself that story. I have gained compassion for others who seek to numb the very stark and often heartbreaking realities of life. I have also been able to share my experience and thoughts with my young adult daughters. They now see me interact very differently with a wine bottle now.
In the not too distant past, I was walking one evening out on our property. For some reason, I just suddenly decided that I was done mindlessly drinking wine. Like so many other things in my life, I wanted to be fully present…fully in the moment. I realized that, with the grace of God, I have some good time left on this planet. I want to make the most of the days and years still ahead.
That doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy an oaky, buttery chardonney…or a smokey red…I will pay attention to the message in the bottle and pour or not pour accordingly.
Now that is something that I can toast to!
written by Molly Davis
Pillar of Strength
November 1, 2010
We are puttering down I-5 south…my husband serving as co-pilot to my 87 year old father who is once again headed south for the winter. He has done this since 1987; making the trek from impending snow storms to sun, cactus and elderly gals who light up when they see him pull in. Nice trade. This year we proposed riding along; for company, moral support, relief drivers.
As the daughter of this mighty man, I saw this trip as an opportunity to spend time with him, listen to stories… both new ones…like the time he spilled an entire tray of drinks down the back of Nelson Rockefeller…and old ones, like how he was a flight navigator during WW II and threw up at the thought of getting in a plane. I am aware that time with him like this, time with him period, is a gift, a treasure, a chance to know him just a little better…which I have craved all of my life.
We agreed that starting in southern Oregon and treking to Southern Calif. we would stop and show my husband the homes we had 
lived in as a family, the schools I went to, the places I used to make out with my high school boyfriend. Can we say narcissist? We slowed down and looked at the building that used to be my dad’s architectural office; the one that sat on the edge of the community park. From his window he could see me and my friends lighting up our blackberry cigars, practicing kissing and trying to be as bad as kids could be in a small town with every one watching.
He retired 20 years ago, and still there is a connection to the place, the building, the years spent there creating architectural pieces of history that made him proud of his career and contributions. The west coast is peppered with his brilliant concepts, attention to detail and cutting edge ideas.
The house we lived in together, just blocks from his office no longer sits at the top of a dead end street. It is surrounded by the ticky tacky of this decade…same house, different color. The house he so carefully painted a contemporary “putty” is now white with bright blue trim and a second story that seems to hover out of place, like it landed as a result of that tornado from Kansas…everybody so worried about Dorothy, no one really noticed. Definitely an affront to a seasoned architect….to say nothing of the faux Grecian statue in the middle of the front yard.
As we headed into northern California, he started to reminisce about a major project he had designed…the one that landed him in Who’s Who in America. He was the first architect to enclose an entire downtown area, with heating and air conditioning and they called it a MALL. Countless trips up and down I-5; too much time spent away from family, successes and failures until 5 years later the mall opened to an exhuberant crowd. It received awards and recognition that few men see in a lifetime. It WAS a very big deal. We pulled into town to have a look. He knew it well and at the same time felt like a first time visitor what with all the changes; the restaurant he frequented during the project, gone; the fire station that he had designed, now a mere shadow of itself, serving as the town’s sparkling Metro Plex.
We got out at the “mall” and walked around as he explained what it used to look like, what he designed and why, where people gathered and the sense of community that had been established. The Mall is gone as are most of the businesses that once occupied it. But the strangest thing…when the Mall was taken down, all the pillars once supporting the massive roof systems he designed remained. So many of these giant pillars still have the original stained glass work in them that my father designed. It was amazing to see the pillar that is my 87-year-old dad, standing next to the pillars he designed so that light, beauty and a sense of permanence filled the space.
The memories of dreams, love and families sustain us when the roof comes down.
To Trick or To Treat…
October 27, 2010
Molly Davis is a regular guest contributor to the very sassy and completely inspiring StyleSubstanceSoul.com…a website designed to inspire women to be the very best they can be.
The following is just a teaser of Ms. Davis’s latest contribution to SSS. Please click on the link below to read more.
http://stylesubstancesoul.com/2010/10/matters-that-matter-ghosts-of-halloweens-past/
“The world has changed drastically since those days of trick or treating in my friendly little neighborhood. We are working more and playing less. Texting instead of talking. Commuting instead of communing. As we move toward the future, with the help of all of the incredible technology at our fingertips, let’s be mindful to carry forward what has served us so well in the past. Maybe the trick is in treating ourselves to a little more in-person talking — and just a little less tweeting.”
art by lisakaser.com
A Common Thread…one of many; more to come!
October 20, 2010
There are common threads that connect us as human beings and as women…they are subtle, often unspoken…but we know they are there. If we find the courage to ask, ask and listen, ask, listen and expose our own soft spots, we find that we are made of similar stuff. Our fears, our hopes, our dreams…are kin that connect us like maiden names and dna.
I believe with all my heart and soul that those common threads are the foundation for courage. When we know we are not alone, when we find a heart we can trust, a soul that recognizes our own, we are more likely to stand up, to speak up and to show up.
thank you for the inspiration my darling Kate.
Never Stop Fighting
October 18, 2010
as good as it gets.
October 16, 2010
I am feeling a lot of pressure these days. I am diligently stomping on my writers block while I watch the clock tick and the days drop off the calendar. Deadlines for me are not what they are for many. Many, love love love the pressure. Their best work comes from the moment of either jumping off a cliff or writing the final chapter….Me, well I just freeze…can’t jump…can’t finish the final chapter. Just stand on one foot then the other until I am so tired I just have to lie down.
Writers know how difficult it is to be stuck. “Worthless, ridiculous, career over, fake, fraud” are words that play on a continual loop thru our brains. You get up and drink water(or wine depending on how stuck or what time of the day it is). brush your teeth, wash your face, take a walk, do the dishes, search the want ads for jobs you might qualify for…anything that provides breathing room and the possibility of STUCK being nudged just a smidge. But even during the distracting maneuvers…still the loop is looping.
Okay, sit with me now and see the incredible things around me…a roaring fire in the fireplace, blue skies, birds at the feeder, the Sunset Maples in all their finery, my husband humming in the other room. If I can grab hold of that damn loop for just a second, and realize that the stuck I am experiencing is in fact the very stuff that fuels my writing fire. I need air, and light, space and a bit magic in order to create.
So as I sit here in my softest flannel p.j.s I am trying my damnedest to embrace this stuck period. If I took writing out of the equation, this moment is perfect. I have all I need and more than I want. Try that on for size. So the stuck I am this morning is truly AS GOOD AS IT GETS….I don’t have to jump off a bridge, just sit here, be still and take a leap of faith.
VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS
October 14, 2010
“Visualize Whirled Peas”?
Today, I was out running a zillion errands that included handing canned food to a myriad of folks standing in harm’s way on highway on-ramps. Their signs could be a book…a story behind each picture. “Will work for food; homeless in need of gas money; wounded vet needs help; HUNGRY; my dog and I will eat whatever you give us!
I noticed that the ancient, rusty truck in front of me was wearing a myriad of bumper sticker like a bunch of Band-Aids…. Band-Aids earned in a moment of playing Truth or Dare…badges of honor, personal beliefs and moments of outrage. There was; Sarah Palin Is A Coffee Drinker; Obama Inherited This Shit; If you can read this tee-shirt the bitch fell off (should have been on a motorcycle I suppose); VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS.
I appreciate that there are people who can find humor in the incredible mess we are in. That in spite of heightened security around the world, the horrors laid out on the 6:00 o’clock news, there are those who can take the fear and challenge it with their hope and passion for all the world to see.
If we allow ourselves to be completely overwhelmed by the state of the world, then we surrender our effectiveness. If our hearts and souls are hopeless with grief we are less than capable of identifying the signs around us, the Band Aid’s earned in fights well fought, those truly in need of help, support and encouragement.
Carry cans of food and be generous with them….WAG MORE, BARK LESS
WE HEARD YOU
October 1, 2010
There have been many of us planning and dreaming and scheming and talking and praying and chanting in the hopes of providing a remarkable experience for all who could attend WOMEN LIVING FULLY; INVESTING IN OURSELVES. But then we stopped to listen and heard so many of you asking for a different arrangement so that you could actually get away from your responsibilities, and come! Sunday thru Wednesday schedule just wasn’t doable for many.
So PEEC (Pocono Environmental Education Center) has worked with us to reschedule the Women Living Fully retreat for spring 2011. Wow, that seems like a long time…but we assure you that the quality of the experience will be worth waiting for.
Please note that the website will be updated as plans are made and confirmed. www.womenlivingfully.com
SEE YOU IN THE POCONOS!
RE: TREAT… Yourself to Become Your Best Self
September 22, 2010
Pocono Environmental Education Center Presents:
Women Living Fully: Investing in Ourselves
October 24th – 27th, 2010
A WOMEN’S RE:treat
Come To the Pocono’s to Re:treat Yourself!
For 4 days & 3 nights we will inspire, encourage, connect, forgive, fall madly in love with and Re:birth ourselves.
We’re gonna kick, scream, share, drink, laugh, eat, dance & toast life. Every bit of it!
On Tuesday evening the 26th PEEC & writer Kristine Van Raden will unveil: Common Threads.
A play by one crazy woman for all crazy women in mid-life.
It’s your Life. Live it to the Fullest.
It’s Your Life…Live it to the Fullest
September 17, 2010
RE: TREAT YOURSELF…Women Living Fully; Investing in Ourselves
September 14, 2010
PEEC
Pocono Environmental Education Center
Presents
Women Living Fully: Investing in Ourselves
A WOMEN’S RE: TREAT
RE: new RE: invent
RE: fresh RE: write
RE: adjust RE: align
RE: design RE: invigorate
RE: ignite RE: charge
RE: invest RE: create
RE: store RE: emerge
RE: start RE: vive
Come away and…Re:treat YOURSELF
October 24th – 27th we will inspire, encourage, connect, forgive, fall madly in love with, and give birth to ourselves.
We’re gonna kick, scream, share, drink, laugh, eat, dance & toast life.
Every bit of it.
On Tuesday evening – the 26th – PEEC & writer Kristine Van Raden present:
Common Threads: a play by one crazy woman for all crazy women in mid-life.
If you are interested in participating in the performance contact Kristine at kristinevr@mattersthatmatter.com
It’s your life. Live it to the fullest.
http://www.womenlivingfully.com
In collaboration with:
Amy, Hollye, Amy, Molly, Monica, Robyn, Gregory Ann, Elizabeth, Kristine and Heidi
Matters That Matter ® 