Matters That Matter ®

by Molly Davis

“This is what we have” she says, holding up her left hand, palm up and slightly cupped, as if cradling something fragile and precious. Pausing, she lets her words and the image settle in.

“This is what we want” she continues, holding up her right hand in a similar fashion.  There is a gap between her two cupped hands.

“Our pain and frustration, suffering and discomfort come from comparing what we have with what we want.  She bangs her two hands together, over and over, demonstrating the inner turmoil and outer frenzy of living in the gap between what we have and what we want.

This is what I have…. That is what I want.

This is how it is….That is how I wish it was.

This is where I am… That where I want to be. 

This is when it is….That is when I want it to be.  

She stops banging her hands together, and slowly, gently, deliberately… because it is hard to loosen our grip on what we hold so tightly…. she lowers her right hand.  Suddenly, the banging stops, and there is no struggle between This and That.  

I will never forget the moment when she first held up her hands, giving me a picture that returns again and again, to help me step squarely into what I have, how it is, where I am, and when it is.  Held in my left hand is what is true.  Depending on the year, the day, the moment, my reality is filled with the good, the bad or the ugly.  And more likely, some messy mixture of all three. Savoring the good, healing the bad and transforming the ugly can only happen from the trailhead of This.

Try this right now.  Really.  Just do it.

Hold up your left hand, filling it with what is true right now.  Everything. The good, the bad and the ugly.  Look at your cupped hand.  Feel what it holds.  Take in what is there.  Hold it as if cradling something fragile and precious and sacred.  Because you are.  Held in your left hand is your life and your world, as it is today.

Hold up your right hand.  What does it hold that you want, wish, hope, imagine to be true?  Less pain, more joy, a flatter stomach, more money, less stress, more freedom, fewer expectations, a different job, more peace?  Held in that hand are your visions and goals, hopes and dreams, desires and callings.  Whatever is there, take it in.  Now, look at what you have and compare it to what you want and bang your hands together. Over and over and over until you can feel the stinging sensation brought on in the comparison between the two.

Now stop.

Drop your right hand.

This is what you have.

What we do with what we have, how it is, where we are, and in this moment is how we make our way from This to That. 

The only way.

This post is dedicated to, and with deep love and gratitude for Kristine Van Raden, my dearest friend and partner in crime .