The Gift of Pain

March 26, 2015

Glenwood - Jan - March 2008 & RLP 076 “Be sure and stay ahead of the pain.”  Words from the pharmacist years ago as I picked up yet another bottle of  addictive pain medication for my 20 year old daughter who had recently had her tonsils removed.  Being a “push through the pain” kind of girl, I asked her just what the hell that meant anyway.  It seemed to me that having the courage to tough it out was the better approach. One to be proud of and that showed the strong stuff of which I am made. “The body, when faced with the choice of dealing with the pain, or healing the injury, can only focus on one of those and, in the proper order” she replied. ” Resolve the pain. Heal the patient.” In other words healing is hindered when pain is ignored. Heading back home, I resolved to help her heal by helping her resolve her pain.

Our bodies are but a microcosm of the greater whole.  Found embodied in our relationships and in the body of the world, pain is everywhere. Close to home and in the farthest reaches of the world.  It is within our hearts and our homes, amidst our communities and countries, in the halls of our organizations and schools.  Unresolved pain is wracking our planet and threatening our shared futures large and small, and is an indication that there is healing to be done.

Pain hurts.  Deeply.  Acutely. Sharply. Chronically. Our natural reaction to pain is to avoid it.  Afraid of the hurt we react in fear, provoking ancient coping mechanisms.  Fight, flight or freeze.

Putting up our dukes and hitting back causes further injury.

Running for cover furthers us from the healing we long for, but can’t see because we are facing the wrong direction.

Hunkering down and refusing to budge drives pain deeper and healing further away.

When it comes to resolving the pain in our lives, none of those lead to the healing that is waiting for us on the other side.  Wherever the pain exists, it is calling us to attend to it fully, in order to more fully live.  It requires that we dive deeply into the pain in order to get to the bottom of it.

Pain is our call to action in order to heal that which is broken.

Pain is the canary in the mine alerting us that we are running out of air.

Pain is the lighthouse exposing the rocks which will dash our ship to pieces if we don’t steer with care.

Pain is the warning sign alerting us to dangers ahead.

Pain is the breadcrumb path that leads to wholeness.

Pain is the care package that must be unwrapped in order to receive the gift of healing.

Healing trumps holding on to old hurts.

Healing beats clinging to our stories that keep us stuck in old chapters.

Healing always outlasts winning.

Healing outshines the darkness of resentment.

Healing is a cut above the festering wounds of unforgiveness.

Healing forges wholeness out of the holes in our hearts.

Wherever the pain, it is the doorway through which healing awaits. Pain speaks the truth.  The truth sets us free.

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The Gifts of Boredom.

February 27, 2015

“Do you ever get bored?”

That was the question posed earlier this week by our naturopath.  My husband and I had scheduled a joint visit to talk to her about our shared sleep issues.  Getting a full night of rest is essential.  A necessity which was eluding us on a regular basis, resulting in lowered spirits, less focus, and lack of energy.

Tom jumped right in, answering enthusiastically, “I NEVER get bored.”

Wrong answer.   Read the rest of this entry »

A Tender Heart…

February 24, 2011

There are  COMMON THREADS that connect us as human beings. We often can’t see them or find them, UNTIL we are willing to expose our own.

Being vulnerable can be terrifying. We’ve all presented our vulnerable selves at one time or another and been met with judgment and ridicule. Next time we considered being vulnerable we paused a bit, predicted the outcome. Then maybe chose to withhold…protecting ourselves and sheltering our tenderness.

The ability to be vulnerable again often comes from having held on to too much pain …simply no more room. Or, “we’re mad as hell and we aren’t gonna take it any longer.” Or, the knowledge that we are part of a mighty whole and that sharing our soft spots might help someone else to exercise their strengths.

Today I am so moved by a dear friend who did just that. She used her own unfathomable grief to shed light on the darkness that so many carry. Her vulnerability allowed others to know that they are not alone, that their pain and loss matter. By telling her story she brought gentleness and celebration where there can often be secrets and denial.

A common thread thoughtfully exposed connects us as human beings, therefore connecting us to our own humanity.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO SIT DOWN FOR THIS ONE

http://hollyedexter.blogspot.com

the simple magic of insignificant details

http://blog..com/

Long ago, we decided that when we saw beauty in anyone or anything we would notice it and appreciate it.  Every time we see a woman with lovely eyes, beautiful skin, a kind heart or gentle spirit shared with the world, we speak our appreciation to that person.

Those few words of goodness can change the course of the day for the waitress serving us breakfast, the grocery clerk packing our bags or the exhausted receptionist checking us in for our doctor’s appointment.  We have come to understand that everyone is blessed with their own unique kind of beauty, and once we make the choice to not only see it, but appreciate it, we find ourselves surrounded by the miraculous in the midst of the ordinary.  And, the most astounding insight has been that when we choose to extend goodness in the midst of this imperfect world, we receive that goodness back in abundance.

Where might you see beauty in the midst of your day?  To whom could you extend goodness, and in the extending, receive in abundance?

“When we are mindful, we notice that another person suffers. The other person may be a husband, a wife, or a child. If one person suffers, that person needs to talk to someone in order to get relief. We have to offer our presence, and we have to listen deeply to the other person who is suffering. That is the practice of love–deep listening. But if we are full of anger, irritation, and prejudices, we don’t have the capacity to listen deeply to the people we love. If people we love cannot communicate with us, then they will suffer more. Learning how to listen deeply is our responsibility. We are motivated by the desire to relieve suffering. That is why we listen. We need to listen with all our heart, without intention to judge, condemn, or criticize. And if we listen in that way for one hour, we are practicing true love. We don’t have to say anything; we just need to listen.      “The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves “inside the skin” of the other.  When we are in contact with another’s suffering, a feeling of compassion is born in us. Compassion means literally “to suffer with.”    –Thich Nhat Hanh

Thank you Quma Learning & Dennis Deaton

LOOK TODAY FOR THE SMILES REFLECTED BACK AT YOU…LISTEN TODAY FOR THE MUSIC THAT DELIGHTS YOU…GIVE TODAY TO SOMEONE IN NEED…LOVE TODAY EXPECTING NOTHING IN RETURN…

PROOF THAT NO ONE LOOKS, LISTENS, GIVES OR LOVES AS YOU DO IN THE MOMENTS OF YOUR VERY UNIQUE LIFE.

Linda and Jack...the perfect man!

Home-made apple pie and lots of smiles

Molly and Jack...the perfect man!

Judy of Guler and Linda of the Harbor

Our own Volcanologist...the handsome Tom of the Mountains

Jean and Candy in the SUNSHINE

Linda and Judy, sisters

Cindy at Peace

who is that woman hugging my husband?

Gathered Our Courage Together

Anna: light and spirt

The girls mixing glue stick and soup...huh oh!

Speed scrabble...endless possibilities

The MATTERS THAT MATTER W OMEN’S RETREAT.  A room filled with courageous, bright, authentic women. We ate, we danced, we drank good wine & coffee (as promised), we laughed, we cried, we drummed, we napped, we created, we learned from one another, we loved with all of our hearts and souls. Women gloriously being women. Could it get any better? Well maybe if Amy Ferris (Marrying George Clooney) could have been there!

BRINGING COURAGE, CONTENTMENT & GRACE TO OUR LIVES

March 5, 6 & 7 2010

Glenwood, Washington

“We all know that our lives and daily choices are best governed by our most deeply held values, beliefs and priorities. Yet there is much to distract even our best of intentions. Rather than thrive by following our hearts & what we know to be true, we often struggle to survive amidst demands & expectations other than our own.”
RETREAT
Believing that learning can be a collaborative & supportive process, all offerings are both participatory & introspective in nature. The time together will include teaching, storytelling & conversation, as well as carefully designed thinking & writing exercises.
For the past 12 years, Molly & Kristine have been sought after as guest presenters & keynote speakers at national conferences, health spas, public & private settings around the country. They are experienced at building a powerful sense of trust & connection with participants.
Now they are offering their inspiring work in a beautiful, quiet setting where you can reflect, renew & restore. Come & join them at the MATTERS THAT MATTER Retreat at the base of beautiful Mt. Adams & be inspired.
COURAGE
To stand in the presence of fear.
CONTENTMENT
To be at peace with the contents of your life.
GRACE
To accept & extend goodness in the midst of an imperfect world.
Molly Davis & Kristine Van Raden
MOLLY is a successful corporate trainer. A gifted & engaging teacher, she brings humor, real life strategies & heart to the experience.
KRISTINE is an accomplished artist. Her creative vision and inspiration bring depth, wisdom & compassion to their work.
MOLLY & KRISTINE have been best friend for over 30 years. Friendship, family, career and life challenges have taught them about what truly matters. In 1997 they co-authored the internationally published book, Letters to Our Daughters. Since then they have inspired audiences around the country with their message. They share their own stories & experiences along with those of the myriad of women they have met along the way.
THE SETTING
40 Inclusivity Ln. Glenwood Wash. Gorgeous Private Home with stone fireplaces inside and outside…Room for art, conversation, relaxing, morning yoga and more!
TIME
Check-In: 4PM Friday
Wine & Dinner: 6PM
Evening Welcome & Retreat Introduction: 8PM
Retreat Concludes: 12:30PM SundayMEALS
Dinner provided Friday Evening
Breakfast Sat. and Sun.
POTLUCK Lunch on Sat. & Dinner Sat. Night
Saturday Lunch: Bring contributions for a hearty salad to
be shared.
Saturday Dinner: Please bring something to throw into a
kettle of hearty soup.
Bring a bottle or two of your favorite wine to share.
Local wines will be available to sample & to purchase.

SCHOLARSHIP PROVIDED FOR DRESS FOR SUCCESS

Retreat Cost: $150.
Includes workshop sessions, artful journal workshop & materials.
Payment for the retreat made directly to Matters That Matter@
40 Inclusivity Ln.
Glenwood. Wa 98619
REGISTRATION for the workshop closes January 31, 2010. Space is limited to 20 guests.
Book Early!
www.mattersthatmatterblog.blogspot.com
www.mattersthatmatter.com
mollyd@mattersthatmatter.com
kristinevr@mattersthatmatter.com
360-910-8232
Lodging

Available at the Flying L Lodge…a 5 minute walk to the retreat. Please book your room directly with Mt. Adams Lodge.
509 364-3488
flyingl@mt.adams.com
Directions to the Retreat
Travel east on Interstate 84 to Hood River. Take Exit 64 &
cross the toll bridge (75 cents) Turn left on Hwy. 14. Turn
right on Alt. Route 141 towards Trout Lake. Proceed to stop
sign at top of the hill. Turn left. Proceed 12 miles to BZ
Corner. Turn Right on BZ-Glenwood Hwy. Continue 19
miles to the town of Glenwood. Turn right at stop sigh &
head east through town 1/2 mile Turn left on Mt. Adams
Hwy. Proceed another 8/10 mile. Turn right onto Inclusivity
Lane. Continue approximately 1/2 mile and turn into the first
driveway on your right.
The Mt. Adams Lodge is about 1/2 mile from the retreat by car
and a 5 minute walk through the woods.

We are thrilled to say that our first retreat, March 5,6,&7 2010 is nearly filled. There are a few spaces left, but time is of the essence. We are so excited to share this experience with the amazing women who have registered and given themselves the gift of self-discovery and relaxation. If you are interested in attending or being placed on an email list to be notified of future retreats please email us at kristinevr@mattersthatmatter.com or mollyd@mattersthatmatter.com We promise to have a new and improved web site up and running within the next couple of weeks. YEAH!!!!!!!!!
BRINGING COURAGE, CONTENTMENT & GRACE TO OUR LIVES

By Clarissa Pinkiola Estes Best selling author of Women Who Run With the Wolves

“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these—to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.”