Matters That Matter ®

Do you instantly recognize these words coming out of Jack Nicholson’s mouth? It’s that scene in Something’s Got To Give when he looks at Diane Keaton, the women he just “had sex” with and utters sweet NOTHINGS. She like the rest of us said…”What the hell does that mean?” I am sure he is filled with emotion…the emotion HE experienced and that is his way of gushing all over her with compliments, affirmations and words of love.

I can’t help but think of how men think and how women think when it comes to celebrating the person you live your life with. Mother’s Day for example…Any woman on earth would really like the same thing…check your favorites…

breakfast in bed (that you don’t prepare or clean up)

beautiful lingerie (that you didn’t pick out)

a project around the house completed to your specifications (that you don’t have to nag about)

a simple picnic (that you didn’t have to pack)

a movie of your choice (that you didn’t have to negotiate over)

hand made cards filled with love (that you didn’t have to help make)

Okay, so the theme here is that WE, on Mother’s Day, would like to be celebrated with love and simplicity and REST. Give me a day off and do the things that need doing, while I am enjoying the things you did for me. How does that sound?

ANY OF MY PEOPLE PAYING ATTENTION?

A revolution (from the Latin revolutio, “a turn around”) is a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time. Aristotle described two types of political revolution:

1. Complete change from one constitution to another
2. Modification of an existing constitution.^[1]

I think ‘Modification of an existing constitution’ accurately sums up the voices of so many women in my life these days.

We are in the middle of our lives.  And it is true, that what once fit us, no longer does.  We wear a different size of jeans(though we hate to admit it)…some even come with hidden elastic (those are my favorites), our jobs, our relationships, the thing we called “home”, our bodies are all changing. Sure we’ve tried to fight the inevitable, but the truth is, in order to be comfortable in our own skin we have to agree to surrender what was and embrace what is.

What Is? For sure what is, is that women are finding their voices. They are making changes in their own lives, the lives of others, the planet. Women around me are redefining what matters most to them; they are facing fears that for far too long presented impenetrable obstacles. Women are inspiring other women, opening doors, lending a hand.

Women in mid-life are powerful in every sense of the word. We are modifying the old and replacing it with what fits us now…what encourages us, inspires us, free us and motivates us.

My words of wisdom?…Reach out to another 50 something…ask for help, offer inspiration, look into her eyes and see yourself. We are part of a Revolution…and the word is slowly getting out.

art www.janicelaverne.blogspot.com

Harvard … Finally!

The other day I had the chance to spend the day at Harvard.  It was cold, rainy and windy.  As I wrapped my hands around my coffee and wandered the campus, I was struck with an event from my own university days that changed the course of my life for years.

In high school, I wasn’t poised, popular or beautiful.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there and head for college.  I had no idea what I wanted to do, and  didn’t get much guidance from my parents about what to study or where to go to school. I n their minds, it didn’t matter too much.  It wasn’t that they didn’t love me.  They did, fiercely.  It was just that they were of the generation that seemed to think that a girl grew up, got married and started a family.

I managed to find a school that seemed to feel right, but truthfully, I chose it because it was small, not too far from home and I loved the campus.  But as I began to study, I fell in love with learning, and started to understand that I was actually pretty darn smart.  They could have named one of the nooks in the library after me.  My junior year, after a lecture by my absolute favorite professor, he asked me to stay after class.  He had been encouraging me to consider graduate school, and offered to help me apply and meet the department chair at the school we had decided would be perfect.  This particular day he told me that he had to be out of town on Friday and wondered if I would teach the class.  Me?  Teach the class?  Me?  I said ‘yes”, scared to death and proud as punch.  I ran back to my room, unable to wait to call my dad and share the good news.  “Dad, you won’t believe what just happened. You are going to be so proud.” I shared my story with my dad.  The phone stayed quiet too long.  His response, “Honey, you need to be careful not to appear too smart, otherwise you will intimidate the boys in the class.” Hanging up the phone, I thought, “I’m not beautiful.  I can’t be smart.  What can I be?” I picked the phone back up, called my professor, and told him that I wouldn’t be able to teach the class after all.  Sorry.  I graduated magna cum laude.  I didn’t go to graduate school, my one and only regret in life.  I allowed that one sentence from my dad to become the story that wrapped itself around my soul, and held me captive for years.  While I held good jobs and found success, it took me years to re-discover my calling.

Today, I am a corporate trainer, working with global organizations. I teach people how to be effective leaders, and help organizations harvest talent and leadership from their workforce.  My classrooms are filled with men.  They learn and grow as I share my gift of teaching with them.  I don’t ask, but now and then, I get the feeling that the men in the room might be just the least bit intimidated.  Sorry Dad.

As I sat on the steps of the Harvard library, I wondered, not for the first time, what I might have done with my life if I had found the courage to ignore my dad’s well intentioned but ignorant advice. Such reflection doesn’t really do any good.  However, I thought deeply about my life now and the work I do.  Thankfully, I have a new story to tell. Walking down the library steps, I thought, while I may not have attended Harvard, I sure could have.

Molly~